I was having a discussion about BDE the other day with a good friend who’d just experienced some pointed in his direction.
For the layperson, BDE stands for Big Dick Energy. Is a very scientific and technical term. Look it up. But… be careful what filters you don’t have enabled. Found that out the hard way…
Anyway, inadvertent porn searches aside, BDE is basically the idea of the attitude and behaviours that most would just simply call Alpha.
And it started off as a discussion about the very negative aspects of BDE. And before I go much further, the following scenario didn’t actually happen to me, which I am happy and sorry to say.
“When I got out of the car, why did he run away into bunnings for a sausage sizzle rather than back up his threats and douche-y attitude in the car he was in while trailing behind me and riding my bumper for seemingly nothing more offensive than doing the 80 speed limit?”
Or, in the more concise version…
“Why is that guy such a Fatty McFuckhead?” (Bonus points for getting the reference)
Well, that is the nutshell version of the more negative aspects of BDE. An attitude, and energy, a series of behaviours that seem to embody all the worst parts or masculine energy.
Arrogant, aggressive, domineering, irresponsible, posturing, angry, bell-end-ery… And worse, when it actually came down to it, all bluster. And kind of pathetic, all things considered.
And id even argue that this isn’t really alpha behaviour at all, even at its worst. It wannabe alpha behaviour from a person who THINKS that’s how alphas behave.
Basically, just a dude who got a surge of angry testosterone and let that BDE drive him to a place where its kind of the opposite, and looked every bit the opposite. And if this a lot of peoples typical encounter with “alpha”/BDE behaviour, we can see why it gets a bad wrap at times. Especially if its normalised by peers and parents and media and all that fun stuff.
So, that’s the negative side of BDE.
Positives?
Ever heard the line “an alpha doesn’t need to tell you they’re an alpha”?
Attempting to advertise who you think you are is kind of counter intuitive to just simply being that kind of dude.
Confident, disciplined, purpose driven, protective, leading and silently secure in that sense of self.
Doesn’t sound like the kind of guy who would spend his time making throat slitting gestures to a dude driving just in front of him doing literally nothing to earn said totally tough and cool threats, does it? Not really… But that’s my opinion.
But, ironically, those more positive aspects of the masculine don’t really happen without having the CAPACITY for those more negative, or darker traits, existing within said dude.
I’ve banged on before about shadow integration before, but this is one of the best examples of what it can look like. What the genuine BDE alpha has done is tamed with themselves those darker masculine traits, and harnessed them with those more positive traits, to make them serve that higher purpose with discipline.
After all, what’s the point in an alpha who cant back up those higher traits with the anger and violence when it is absolutely necessary? That’s why alphas are who they are. That’s what the respect, and sometimes fear, comes from. The capacity to enforce their will for the right reasons, but so very rarely needing too, let alone wanting to.
THAT is BDE. Having those passion driven darker traits, but choosing how and when to use them, and letting that be present in how you hold yourself. And people around them subconsciously pick up on this stuff, because, deep down, we’re still all animals that live in groups. Or packs. Or herds. Or whatever…
Ladies, the same can be said for feminine energy.
Hmmmm, how would be slang that up though? BTE? BVE? BBE?... (Think those through, but in your own head. Saying them out loud might get you some weird looks while in public. Just saying)
Yeah, not really my call to make there. Ladies, maybe you need to pick your own. The middle one probably isn’t as flattering as it’s supposed to be intended…
Bitchy, manipulative, possessive, vindictive, cold, materialistic. You know, the stuff that women have within them that gets them a bad wrap at times. The stuff that can come out when shit doesn’t go their way.
Just like the negative shit that masculine energy has, this is the more emotionally fueled stuff that, maybe, sometimes, occasionally, every so often, once in a while, gets brought out when not tempered with the higher feminine traits.
Nurturing, connective, caring, infusing, life affirming, validating, healing. You know, the stuff that actually makes us want to be a society of humans? Rather than a base level bunch of jerkish animals that would rather throw our own shit/spears/insults/lawsuits/trade embargos at each other if we can’t get close enough to actually punch faces.
Like those dark and lighter masculine traits have their nearly polar opposites, so does the feminine. Possessiveness doesn’t happen without caring enough to want to be possessive, for example. Connecting doesn’t have the same value without the capacity to be cold. The trick is to balance them, so they serve you based on the situation you find yourself in.
I know, more shadow integration stuff…
But then, THEN, we get to balance the masculine and the feminine within ourselves.
How can we use the higher masculine inclination to protect without the higher feminine sense of care to drive it? How can we enforce that protection and care without the darker masculine traits of anger and violence coupled with the darker feminine traits of vindictiveness against those who would harm what we care about?
You, reading this right now, have all of those things in you.
Yes, even you, Chad… otherwise you’d probably be currently hunted but a police swat team right this second because you would probably be trying to take everything that wasn’t literally nailed down. Money, food, car wax, a maidens virtue. But that’s another discussion about clinically diagnosed psychopaths.
Anyway…
Without embracing, growing and finding balance of all of these traits within you, people tend to become polarised within themselves. And projecting that lack of balance out in the world. Like a Fatty McFuckhead… Making everyone else’s life harder for the sake of their own imbalanced masculine and feminine energy. Sounds pretty fuckhead-ish to me.
You will find your own balance, because its your balance. But it needs to start with the acknowledgement that all these things you have within you are valuable and usable.
Just need to ask yourself if it’s worth it.
Be kind, be smart, be your best you. No bar fights.
“Man maintains his balance, poise, and sense of security only as he is moving forward.” Maxwell Maltz
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