Afternoon guys.
So I had this idea. Go with me here.
What do you deserve?
Some kind of Brad Pitt (circa 2005 version)/Margot Robbie laying next to us (or whichever version of hot person you want next to you) on a tropical beach wearing not much with endless mojitos served between naps and “abs and cardio” sessions with said next to us hottie, while money pours into our accounts because… Its nice? And people just like to give us stuff?
Cool, cool.
How’s that working out for us?
Do we actually and genuinely think we deserve that? Or is it more about how we like to spend our spare time fantasising?
Okay, fair enough. No one really think they deserve that.
So, what do you deserve? Genuinely and honestly, what do you think you deserve?
Because I think it represents something vital about ourselves, our past and how we see ourselves.
Do we deserve that raise? Well, yeah, we’ve worked our arses off for quite some time now, put in the hard yards and have most definitely earned that pay upgrade. Whether Leslie from head office agrees or not is a completely different conversation…
Do we deserve to be spoken to like that by our partner like that? I mean, there might be time when we do actually deserve to be told we’re acting silly, for example, but that is a comment on behaviour rather than something integral to who we are as people.
Do we deserve to carry guilt and shame over who we were taught we are as a child? That when one parent says we are worthless, that this is just how things are for us forever, unchanging as the stars?...
Some of these things are based, I think anyway, on perspective. And subjectivity beyond ourselves.
All of those examples aside, the ideas behind WHY we think we deserve what we do play an integral part to what those beliefs and behaviours look like in regards to this idea of deserve.
Why do you deserve to be spoken to with dignity and respect?
Well, because it is a reasonable and desirable part of existence that we are treated in a way that displays that respect and empathy for a fellow being we are. And that goes vice versa too. That we have respect for others that provides and example of how we would choose to be treated by others.
Is it so hard? Civility costs nothing, but gives so much, to everyone involved.
Yeah, I know. Sorry for the preachy-ness. How dare I tell you how to live your life in a way that’s mutually beneficial… My bad.
Which makes another point.
How we react to things we think we do and don’t deserve.
If I said what I said just before, and that ironic apology was actually how you reacted, what does that say about how you’ve chosen to interpret my intentions based on how you think I’ve intended it? What might that say about what you deserve? Is it possibly that you deserve the respect to make your own mind up about how you behave, possibly as a reaction to previous experiences where that ability has been challenged if not taken away from you?
What if I’m intending offering perspective and support instead of directions and orders?
Would that change anything? Would that then mean that I’ve been given the respect I also deserve?
So there’s that…
But there’s also the extremities of the things we deserve in that emotional reactions and response too.
Do we deserve that fantasy from the start as an ego based over correction from what our experiences have been so far? We’ve convinced ourselves that karma has mansions and endless gratification as payment for not getting what you genuinely did deserve way back when?
How likely are we to get that?...
The same is true of the opposite. Convinced by those we put trust in that we deserve nothing but the barest acknowledgement that we exist, but very little else, we take the poorest of treatments and circumstances because we come to believe that this is what we deserve.
Said simply, (again…) what is it you deserve?
Bowing and scraping because you’ve blessed those around you with your presence?
Insults that at least sound like they consider you human, but that’s it?
What if there is middle ground, but even then, removed from the treatment of others and its repayment in kind.
Which begs the question: Do YOU treat you like you deserve?
Yes, yes, it’s another version of “what do you want?”
If you can treat yourself to that fantastical fantasy from earlier, fill your boots mate. If you can get it, go get it. But if you think that other people will just hand you this stuff because you turned up? Or they’ll stop doing shitty stuff to you because they FINALLY see the hurt they cause you? I’m sorry, you’ll likely be waiting a very, very long time.
Do you deserve basic human decency and respect?
Yes.
No if’s. No buts. No “what if I slapped his mum after she said my tights made me look like cottage cheese stuffed into threadbare cheese cloth?” Just yes.
Everything else is interpretation and perspective. And choice. Every moment of everyday, a choice.
What you tolerate from you, you will tolerate from others. What you tolerate from others will normalise what they think of you, TO you. That, sorry to say, is where the shit show really starts.
Why do you deserve it?
Because of your fundamental value as a person?
Or because the world owes you something?
Because this is how things have always been?
Or because you’ve done something valuable within yourself to change that?
They energy and perspective and direction you approach this word “deserve” matters a lot to if and how you get it.
Be kind, be smart, be your best you. No bar fights.
“Deserve what you love; love what you deserve.” Shweta Tale
Comentários