Once upon a time, there was this guy. Let’s call him… Ddot.
Yep, that’ll do…
Anyway, this guy Ddot had some decisions to make about life the universe and everything involved in that. But, as always, things are more complicated than that.
Lets just take one of those huuuuge decisions: Should he, being Ddot, postpone his morning matcha tea, in favour of some apple cider vinegar solution.
I know right, daunting and potentially world ending knifes edge call coming up. The pressure!!!!!
I promise I’ll go into the value of green matcha tea and apple cider vinegar one day, but let’s stay on track here, Barry.
What was I saying?...
Ahh yes, the two Yous.
Why do you make decisions the way you do?
DO you make decisions? I mean, really make them?
Or do we just tread the roughly same lines we did yesterday based on which of the yous we’ve give the wheel to? (I happen to think there more like five yous, but that can wait for another day too.) The idea that we ALWAYS make the best decision for ourselves, I’m sure we can all agree, is pretty laughable. You, of all people, know what the conversations we have with ourselves in the echo chamber of our minds sound like.
One side of that conversation is saying making a lot of sense. “Ddot, don’t do that mate! Sure, some people need help and structure in their lives, but brutal and tyrannical dictatorships based on adequate, if not extensive, vocabulary, or lack thereof, is a bit extreme!”
But the other side makes a lot of sense too. “If I hear one more person say the word “irregardless” unironically, I’m going to have to call them a Neolithic troglodyte who’s only social value is to serve as testament to why the education system is valuable but could always use a bit of an upgrade.” (trust me, that was scathing…)
Okay, that’s an extreme example from… Ddot, there. But it goes to serve as an example of what happens within us about nearly ANYTHING.
Do I eat this last donut? Knowing I’ve already eaten 7?...
Do I rise to the bait my partner is laying out there, understanding that, honestly, no one wins an argument about how many pillows are on the bed because there is no sane way to successfully defend a case for any number higher than 2?
Do I watch this last episode of Vikings season 4, being fully aware its 2am and I am absorbing nothing because I’m preoccupied with the knowledge that I haven’t read that brief I’m supposed to deliver a presentation on tomorrow at 9 sharp?
Okay, so those are… pretty obscure and random examples of what I’m trying to describe. But that’s kind of the point. That stuff represents the argument within ourselves (let alone with our partner/pet/family/boss/hair that refuses to do what its told) that we usually don’t have in a conscious way anymore.
Honestly, who eats 7 donuts, but only then worries about the eighth?...
The You that didn’t get listened to in the first place!!! Once you’ve had a moment to THINK about what it is you’re doing, instead of autopiloting your way through the insulin spiked miasma of sugar laden dough, its all too late. The You that knows it probably wasn’t a great idea finally gets listened to once its waaay too late, and pipes up. And THEN really lays the guilt on thick. Yep, sorry, that’s You too. Making sure you know the exact cost and consequence of not listening to that part of You in the first place. Rude, right?...
The cost of having my … ahem, Ddot’s green matcha tea in the morning, is that I don’t have my ACV. But I do get the matcha benefits that are very awesome.
BUT I HAVE TO MAKE THAT DECISION!!! Rather than have that be a thing that I don’t consider and it turns into something else in our heads that basically boils down to being a jerk to ourselves.
Did I say “I”? I meant “he”… But anyway.
The whole point is this. Are you present enough in the moment, to make a decision on what you actually want from the moment so you can actually enjoy it, now AND later.
So, it comes down to the two Yous again.
One of your Yous wants to play this out just like every other day, so there’s no energy and effort involved in thinking your way through it to see if there’s a better way that what autopilot settings are running. Easy mode.
But are you happy with that? Knowing that there’s a another You that is going to give you grief for not even listening to them?...
I should point out, you don’t HAVE to do what that unlistened to part of You thinks, but if you don’t even listen to what it has to say, it gets stroppy. And starts saying “I told you so”. A lot.
Just hear You out. It does actually have your best interests at heart. Promise. But it just doesn’t get to drive very often and is getting resentful of it. Hence the guilt trips, post unconsidered decision.
But, fair warning. The You that’s used to autopiloting stuff? That You is a dick. A petulant child that doesn’t like to give up a shred of control, that’s wants things to stay exactly the same, that will rationalise and justify anything and everything to keep things the same. And sometimes they’re right to. But, depending on where life is for you right now, often they really REALLY aren’t.
And this is where the argument happens in your head. Which bit of you do you listen to?
Do you want to make a last stand about the cushions on the bed? Really?!? I mean, it might be pointless, yes, but surely so is the actual argument you have with your partner about the damned things. Making a decision about what you want life to be like based on a weighing of pros and cons and acceptance of the two sides of that coin (assuming there’s only two… but let’s not complicate things right now) is how it starts.
Otherwise we just end up playing out the same old stuff and wondering why things still suck.
But you NEED to have that argument with yourself in order for things to change. And not have it be a thing that’s just a once off. Because that jerk You that didn’t want things to change has new evidence that they’re right and the You that did want change deserves to be shunned and resentful in equal measure.
Now, are we thoroughly confused?
I know I’m not making it easy with the great descriptions of Yous, but I’m almost certain anyone who thinks thoughts about themselves knows what I’m talking about.
Do you think stuff?
No?... well, I’m sorry for that. But how did you find this blog at all? Let alone afford a device to see it on?...
If yes? Great. Best news I’ve heard all day, Barry.
Can I suggest using that cool thing you can do with your brain to make some other thoughts that help you do more cool stuff with it, rather than turn the dimmer switch on?...
Be kind, be smart, be your best you. No bar fights.
“He who establishes his argument by noise and command, shows that his reason is weak.”
Michel de Montaigne
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