Howdo again, guys.
Sun shining, birds singing in your neck of the woods? Or are the fluorescent lights glaring and the sick co-workers coughing? Either way, I hope its working for you on some level. Maybe that sick co-worker is Trev, and the more he’s coughing the less he’s saying super endearing stuff like “nice blouse, those buttons are working pretty hard though” or something equally creepy. I mean, coughing is a win then, right?...
Anyway… (Already an anyway, off to a flyer today aren’t I…)
So, the question I’d like to ask today is: why do we do what we do?
Good. Bad. Right. Wrong. Meh. Anything at all. Why bother? Why is it important?
Why are these things we even consider doing, regardless of the consequences?
Okay, maybe a slightly better question, and one that is a little more relevant to what we are talking about today…
What is the common thing around why we do anything ever?
Well, I’d hazard a guess that its because we think we will feel better in the doing of the thing. Even if there’s other consequences beyond that feeling.
You know, like punching that Karen in the face. Sitting that smug arse down with a bloody nose and a looked of stunned horror that anything she could ever do could warrant such completely unfair and overzealous treatment slightly before threats of lawsuits and manager callings is BOUND to make us feel better than just listening to her shrieking about how the world isn’t bowing to her every whim. I mean, you don’t even work there and that’s what you want to do…
Why would we want to risk assault charges and all that jazz for the sake of someone else’s atrocious behaviour? Makes no sense on the surface, right?
What if I said that emotions, particularly the avoidance of unwanted ones and the pursuit of wanted ones, is THE driving force behind nearly everything we say or do?
Consider the last thing you did.
Was it, picking your nose?
If so, why did you do it? Seriously, why?
Was it because on some level it is actually pretty satisfying? To clear your nose, and be rewarded with nose goblin gold for your trouble?
What about when we do it as an adult, when we have at least a reasonable idea of what most people consider to be a pretty gross thing?
Does it still feel good and satisfying?
Or have we forgotten to even speculate about why we still do it?
How popular are those pimple popping videos that turn up on facey and youtube here and there? What possible value is there in those, watching someone have pustules and stuff we really don’t want on us let (alone IN us), burst out of someone elses skin? I watched a few.
But why?
Because I want to see the satisfying pop at the end, which is completely removed from what exactly is going on in the video. Not the same thing at all.
Popping stuff, like a pimple or a Karen in the face, gives us an emotional kick. Seemingly a positive one too. Which transcends the grossness of what’s actually going on.
Which says something about why we do what we do, when we cant specifically put a finger on the intellectual value of why we do what we do.
What does going out with a friends for a few drink actually achieve for you? On a negative spin, you end up with less money, possibly with slightly poorer health, possibly with friends having slightly less respect for you because those cocktails were going down waaay too smoothly. On a positive spin, spending time with people you connect with, shrugging off a little self-consciousness and taking the chance to enjoy yourself.
What you actually decide to do is rarely based on the definitive, black and white, cold hard facts of the pros and cons. Unless we are so confused, we just don’t know how to untangle things on an emotional level.
What you do is based on the emotion you expect to feel from one decision to the next, and prioritise which feeling is more important.
Which, assuming we are making that decision on a moment to moment basis about each and all decisions we have to make, is more than fine. In fact, highly recommended.
But what if we forget the emotion behind why we do things? What if we forget to consult our gut any more and just do the thing because you decided to last time? And the time before that? And that? And that?...
That nose picking example? Yeah, that…
It gave you a satisfying buzz maybe when you were a kid, but does it still do that? Do 14 beers with the boys of a Saturday night still stack up on your 43rd birthday like it did on your 23rd?
How many times can Bad Boys be re-run since it was made before we forget why we watch it and just watch it because its just what we do now?
Those emotions, as much as they ARE very valuable when it comes to making decisions and driving them to action, can go both ways and can become lost in the automatic-ness of our lives.
I mean, whats the point of life and the emotions we have if we aren’t going to pay attention to them and experience them on a level that make them worth it?
So, considering this, why do you do the stuff you do?
Is it genuinely fulfilling and life affirming?
Or have you forgotten?
Have we forgotten to even notice our emotions?
Do we even think about our thoughts and behaviours? Let alone what emotions may have driven them or been created by them?
Being conscious of who we are and how we are behaving… kind of matters when it comes to aligning with how we want our lives to feel be and how we feel about that. Because otherwise, we aren’t present, and id argue, not really living at that point either.
Now I say that, knowing that I mean conscious and present, not self-conscious and living in concern about the past and/or future and other peoples judgement.
Experiencing your life and the feelings it gives you, good or bad, allows us to have more information about what we do in the next moment, the feeling state we want to have in that moment, that drives the next behaviour. Rather than what we did the other day/week/year/decade being good enough for default mode.
Who are you?
What do you want?
Those answers have emotions attached to them that can get shit done. Its up to us to decide which version of those emotions we want to engage in to create the same behaviours or build new ones.
Pick and choose. Those emotions will tell you what you really want to do. Just listen to them. They’ll tell you where your gut is at.
Signposts they are.
Head to look for the signpost.
Gut to be the signpost.
Head to decide which direction to follow from the signpost.
Gut to keep you going in that direction.
Pretty cool system, really. If you’re prepared to look and listen.
Be kind, be smart, be your best you. No bar fights.
“One ought to hold on to one's heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too.” Friedrich Nietzsche
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