Before we start... Yes, I know I spelled it wrong. It was on purpose. For alliteration purposes. So if we can leave that there, that'd be great thanks Rick.
What happens when we face fears? Apart from it being scary of course…
You change.
You change a lot.
Neurologically. Psychologically. Physiologically.
You change all those cool words that sound big and awesome and fancy.
And sorry in advance, I have some more for you later. But you’ve heard some of them before.
Well, I hope you have. If you haven’t been reading along and haven’t heard them before…
Sorry Jack, that’s kind of on you. Brace yourselves.
As big a concept as the theory of evolution is, and how its something that plays out over millions of years, and across species down those years, who would agree that we as individuals evolve in our own lives too?
Mary, thanks for the enthusiasm and support!
Well guys, that’s one person. What about the rest of you?... Don’t make me shame you into answering!!!
Are you really prepared to sit there and say you are the same person you were a year ago, let alone a decade ago?... Really? Ummmm, I’m honestly sorry to hear that. I wonder what its like living in a isolationary vacuum and echo chamber all at the same time?...
Anyway, as we move through life, we generally change and evolve our perspective on ourselves, the people around us and the world at large. But how do we do that?
Well, fear is a hell of start.
Because there is a LOT of value in it. It just doesn’t feel like it in the moment.
So, what was the feeling like when you just did something you really didn’t want to do?
Was it a continuation of anguished anxiety and dread that made you jump an extra 2 foot at loud noises? Was it all you could do to walk away after being emotionally crippled for life after having your psyche so ravaged by the harsh words of that singular monster in your life otherwise known as “Mum”? Were you so drained and exhausted that you couldn’t feed yourself for months and only an intravenous drip was able to keep you alive and hydrated?
Or, was it more like a strange feeling of elation and relief that seemed out of place given how you were feeling before it?
I mean, if you did leg day with a veteran animal/jerk bodybuilder named George pumped up on 3 different types of pre-workout on your first ever visit to the gym, then there probably was a pretty terrible feeling for some time afterwards, mental scarring that saw you never ever want to go back and exhaustion beyond normal leg function that probably DID keep you bed ridden and unable to use the toilet like normal human for a while.
But except for that, how did you feel?
I’d guess that there was probably some reasonably noticeable changes in your perception of the ordeal you just went through.
When you challenge your brain to do something its never done before, you literally change your neurology. Untold new neurons start to fire up in order to allow for new information, new skills, new connective pathways, new adaptations to stimulus. When you face a fear, this happens to the point where you start to unlearn things in preference to doing that cool thing you just did instead. You’ve adapted to stress already! Go you!
When you ask your brain to retain new information, or regulate your mood and emotions like when Vern at the corner store makes that “joke” a-fucking-gain about lunch being free for a looker like yourself if you go out with him Friday…, you’re stimulating your hippocampus to respond to stress and improve its function and capacity (this is called neurogenesis, and it is AWESOME. And I know I throw that word around a bit, but its is most definitely true in this case).
Maybe you then also make psychological adaptations to stimulus where you eventually tell him the truth about his “joke” and how so called “nice” guys aren’t actually that nice, let alone funny, if their very thin veneer of niceness is only a front to manipulate people into do what said nice guys want. Ladies, I know you’ve met that dude. Guys, I know you’ve probably been friends with that dude. “I did everything that they’re supposed to like, why wont they fuck me!!!” Yeah, he a classy guy… If he confronted and adapted to the psychological stress of having his “nice guy” strategy (read manipulation) completely and utterly shot down in flames every single time, maybe he wouldn’t be that guy…
But anyway, I digress. As I do…
When you fast for a decent period of time, you are training your body to adapt to a stress and become more efficient in its running systems when there is no food coming in. This typically comes in the form of running a waaaaay tighter ship on a cellular level (autophagy, wooooo!!!) by using the broken down, crappy cells as food for the hot shot, up and coming, cover of sports illustrated cells that we actually want to replicate when it comes time to get fed. Your body, physiologically, has a MASSIVE fear of no food, so it needs all these amazing backup systems that keep you running at peak performance to make sure you finally get to that glorious first bite of… whatever floats your boat really.
The same is true of exercise. You have about half a dozen ways to make and deliver energy to you body that are absolutely essential when you’re are pushing yourself that far. But you don’t get those energy systems working at peak capacity unless you actually stress them out a bit occasionally. And getting fitter/stronger/faster/hotter/awesomer won’t happen unless you ask that bloody meat popsicle you pilot around to do stuff that demands that it does.
I mean, would you do stuff for your boss if they didn’t demand you do it for the money on offer?
Yeah, sorry guys. Cool stuff doesn’t just happen unfortunately….
Fear is a stress. Stress, acute stress anyway, makes the body respond in a positive way. But if we let fear fester and sit… well, that’s chronic stress. And that is bad. I am certain I’ve mentioned how bad before. Cortisol in absurd amounts bad… Can’t-think-straight, literally-30/50%-dumber bad…. It’s probably why those people running away from dinosaurs in movies run in straight lines despite knowing they will NEVER outrun that tyrannosaur and its velociraptor minions…
This is exactly WHY we don’t face it at the time. We go into the old classic fight, flight, freeze and façade. Which, let’s be honest, aren’t really based on higher functioning thought and cognitive processing. Exactly the opposite, very unthinking. But if we continue to remain in that space of fear, rather than use those four F’s allowing stress to stimulate us, they become stressful in their own right. And that’s where the chronic stress becomes constant overwhelm, and drives us deeper into that space of anxiety. So, we are constantly on the lookout for ways to mitigate the stressful circumstances rather than face it and adapt and overcome it. Which doubles down on the overwhelm. Which keeps us in our cave. Which means the fear and overwhelm and anxiety can fester. Hearing the vicious cycle yet?...
Now, obviously, turning to face a massive carnivorous dinosaur trying to mow you down because you look like a very delectable starter that will accompany the main and complimenting chardonnay they had in mind, is pretty pointless. That’s not really something you can face down without something a bit more significant than a pointy stick and a can-do attitude.
But the things that fester? That turn into something waaaaay more than they were? That aren’t gone after the moment (or dinosaur) has passed?
Well, that’s where aversion therapy comes into it. Voluntarily confronting those things you are avoiding (confrontation, birds, men with beards, blue cars, people, the word MOIST) in very small but progressively adaptable ways, gives the opportunity for your physiology, your neurology, your psychology, to progressively get tougher in the face of that scary stuff.
But it needs to be voluntary. HAS to be voluntary. Otherwise its just more stuff that adds to the desperate desire to avoid the nasty shit that’s this thing/person/experience has become in your head.
Now, no one is saying that the thing you probably need to face isn’t terrible. But the stress and anxiety is pretty terrible too. So, you can choose which terrible is the lesser of two evils. And as soon as you choose, that’s the start. And it means you’ve ALREADY stepped back from the situation enough to look at what’s really going on objectively.
Which in turn, means you have at least a little space to make some decisions about that.
Like, do I want to do something about this? Its affecting and hurting me/It’s not a big deal.
If I do want to do something, what’s the MINIMUM amount of exposure to this that I can tolerate right here, right now?
Can I practice this? Can I get better at this exact amount of exposure?
Can I get comfortable enough with it that I could expose myself to SLIGHTLY more of it?
And so on.
YOU can do that.
You CAN do that.
You can DO that.
You can do THAT!
Millions of people all over the world do it literally every day. They aren’t better than you at it. In fact, they suck at it. And you probably do too.
To quote the great Jake the Dog (for those who know where that reference comes from, you are cool and I like you more because of that), the first step in becoming good at something is to kinda suck at something. Honestly, its how anyone starts something worth doing.
There will always be metaphorical dinosaurs. That you SHOULD fear.
But what are you really fearing, from day to day?
Everything you have at your disposal, that is just and all of you, is literally built to adapt and overcome. Down-to-your-cells built for it. We are only here as a species because of it.
Trust that.
If you face it, expose yourself to it, you will become more to overcome it.
Evolve by choice, dammit!!!
Be kind, be smart, be your best you. No bar fights.
“I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” Rosa Parks
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