Have you been winning lately?
Or has the universe been taking a big steamy dump on you instead?
Or is it, just maybe, potentially, within the realm of possibility, in one way or another, teaching you important stuff that’s worth learning?
“But” I hear you bemoan, “how can slamming my fingers in the car door right before my scholarship dependent piano recital with Billy Joel and Elton John, knowing that my future life as career musician with a sideline in watch making and microsurgery may depend on what my fingers can and can’t do POSSIBLY be the universe being anything but a colossal jerk of unrivaled proportions?”
I mean, that IS a pretty bad time to be learning this particular lesson, but what if I said, maybe this is a lesson to encourage you to be a bit more present and pay attention, even on a pretty big deal day like that?
Ever heard of the old saying “there’s always a silver lining?”
Well, that’s how we make sure we always learn something, even from the shittiest of moments.
You could learn something about yourself.
You could learn something about the people around you.
You could learn something about the world you exist in.
You could learn something about your actions and thoughts and feelings within the world and if those feel like they’ve got some long-term value to them.
But you’ve got to actually look for that value.
What is most peoples thought process if they fail at something?
Is it a part of you dropping the old Homer bowling critique? You know the one. “They sure did suck tonight. They just plain sucked. They were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.” But obviously aimed at yourself, the suckee.
Is that how it runs in your head?
If it is… Well, be nice. No one really starts anything being amazing at it. And if they do, no one usually likes them because its like a cheat code that no one else has and needs to do the hard yards for.
Which begs the next question, how do you know you sucked? Is it because you have an example or a standard in you head? That’s not a bad thing. Especially if you can appreciate that that’s a template, not an oppressive regime of obligation to be awesome to meet the level of. Standards and examples give you an idea of what is possible, and maybe what you want to be possible for you.
But if we use them as yard sticks (with a secondary usage of them being self-flagellation sticks) to denigrate ourselves on the sacrificial altar of ineptitude… well, no one gets too far by dumping on themselves all the time. Your opinion of yourself certainly doesn’t.
The majority of people who get good at stuff do it bit by bit, gradually building the recognition that what they do is closer and closer to the standard they set for themselves.
And when they meet it, they set a new standard or a new goal.
And they do that by trying and failing. A LOT.
Because the recognition is there that its not actually failing. Its learning. It’s the recognition that success isn’t as black and white as pass or fail, do or do not. It’s a process. A constantly ongoing process of missing the mark and refining the attempt at the process each and every time.
Yes, Gary, sorry to say mate. Every bloody time.
But the value comes from have more information each and every time. And that goes for winning OR losing. Every single time you do something, new old, smart dumb, you get a little more contrast to help decide on the version you want and the opportunity to train your body and brain to be capable of that version you want.
And this can apply to literally anything in your life.
Meditation is a pretty good example.
Apparently, the point of meditation isn’t to maintain the zen like state of cognitive nirvana that has you floating above the petty concerns of this pointless and mundane material word for the richer delights of the transcendent spiritual world. I mean, this IS pretty cool, but not really what most people want and need it for. Leave that to the Buddhist monk atop the Himalayan peak, achieving oneness so as to become light.
For most people, the practice of meditation is about returning your mind to its focus on breath, or the pretty colours it produces, or the deep ideas you have about why the nature of reality is the way it is. Or whatever. You know, stuff.
In other words, meditation is about the practice of returning focus, not necessarily what you are focused on.
It’s the process, not the outcome.
The outcome will come. But if that’s all you have going on in your head, then it will always be about winning or failing. And if you fail enough times without considering why that may be, or appreciating what you may be getting out of that, then why on earth would anyone want to continue and persevere if nothing changes.
But, if the outcome matters to you beyond that momentary sense of achievement and elation, just maybe you can see the inherent value in the steps necessary to achieve that worthy outcome WITH the process of those step by step milestones.
I once read an article discussing the commitment necessary to become a male gymnast who competes in the rings events. It said that it takes nearly 5 years to become strong enough to learn the techniques required in that event. 5 years to BECOME able to physically learn the skills, let alone do the damned thing well enough to get some shiny stuff for it.
Now, I could be misremembering that, it might be dated information and newer techniques regarding strength and conditioning have changed that timeline, BUT it dos give some idea of what kind of mindset it takes to want to give yourself a chance of winning, let alone actually win.
Anyway, the point is…
What was the point again?
Ah, thank you Ava. It’s about the framing and interpretation of the events in within ourselves and in life, and how that can either inform you or defeat you in the pursuit of being a slightly awesome-er you and living a slightly epic-er life. Very succinctly put, appreciate the contribution.
If you choose to look at it this way, you never really fail. As long as you have a bit of self-awareness and objectivity about what happened and what you can do about that next time.
Do you want to be better at the things that matter to you?
Would you like to appreciate life in a slightly more positive way?
And be better for that?
Well… PAY ATTENTION!
Did you fail? Or did you learn?
What did you learn?
What will you do with that?
Be kind, be smart, be your best you. No bar fights.
“I actually think failing is a good thing. I love that shit.” Gary Vaynerchuk
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