Hello again nice people validating my writing efforts today.
I appreciate it. And am grateful for it too.
Soppy enough yet? Good.
So, if you’ve read anything I’ve written before, I’m hoping you have got this… sense that I’m trying to plant seeds in you about personal growth and ways to encourage that to happen. About empowering yourself with self-awareness, using that to make your life a bit better. Or at least different.
If that’s the super subtle hint you’ve gotten, I’m glad for that. Yes, Marv, I’m being sarcastic. And yes, I’m aware it’s not a particularly high form of humour. Terribly sorry…
What I might not talk about very often is some of the things that go on when we make changes about who we are and the lives we live.
I mean, there’s all the cool stuff like Becoming Happier™, Trusting Yourself™, (everyone’s favourite) Taking Less Shit™ and Not Caring About Stupid Stuff Because You Know It Doesn’t Matter™!
Well, those are definitely great. Peak of awesomeness right there. Why else would you be on this planet if it wasn’t to gradually practice those things from day to day? No, Marv… Its not to make sure the umpires know how much they suck from game to game. What was that last cool thing we mentioned?
Anyway…
Those changes.
Apart from the challenging stuff that we confront within ourselves about who we think we are, who we really are and what we are really capable of, there’s the outside world to consider. Because that reacts to change’s we make. Just as we react to changes it makes.
No, I’m not talking about the constant rule changes the umpires make from game to game Marv. Come on, man, Is that ALL that matters? Yes?... Well, my mistake. Probably best you stop reading then.
I’m talking about the people in our life who react to the changes we make, or how we react to their changes.
Nutshell version, I’m talking about outgrowing people. And being outgrown in turn. And how that isn’t a bad thing, unless we choose to look at it that way. Ironically enough, making it a limitation for all concerned.
When we grown beyond what we used to believe was our world and who we thought we were in it, we tend to find a very isolated journey. Because no one truly understands the uniqueness of who we were and who we are becoming, let alone how and why that’s a thing we experience. Because they never really understand, it might never occur to them that this isn’t about them and being left or abandoned…
But the thing is, that’s kind of what IS happening. The tricky bit is them AND ourselves understanding that this isn’t about worthiness or valuing the other, or even about dislike of someone we just don’t connect with the same anymore. Its about becoming different people and knowing that this is actually a very healthy and okay thing.
Maybe I learn that my friendships mean more to me than watching the footy and complaining about the umpires. (He has left, hasn’t he?...) But explaining that to him just won’t make sense and will feel like betrayal and abandonment. Maybe I needed him to be like that to wake me up, and he will forever be a treasured part of my life because of what he helped me see.
What if me growing and moving on brings him to a realisation that perhaps the depth of his life isn’t as fulfilling as it could be. That maybe, just maybe, the things he’s done for the last two decades isn’t actually all it’s cracked up to be.
What if that realisation scares him to death, but sees your example as something to guide him through the scary parts when everything seems untethered and chaotic. Even though you’re not right there with him, you kind of are.
Maybe he grows in a way that means you can appreciate each other in a different way in the future, becoming close friends again because of the growth you’ve both been through. Suddenly, you both have a new depth of experience and connection to share, even if its from slightly different perspectives that gives each other value and… affirmation of life? You know, that thing that makes friendship worth having?
You can outgrow anything.
Because you’re built for it. Literally and metaphorically.
You want to outgrow anything.
Because without change within yourself, nothing else will change in your life either.
You have outgrown everything.
Because you know, deep down, that staying the same is how we stay stuck. That not moving forwards in some way, means you are stuck or regressing. Both of which suck for different reasons.
I get it. Moving forward has its own suckiness. You leave behind treasured people and times and places. But ask yourself, if that’s how you feel, are they ever really gone if they have been so integral to who you are and who you are becoming?
Pretending like those are how things have to stay makes a mockery of who you could be, the lessons they gave you, what you gave to them. ESPECIALLY what you gave to them.
But if nothing else, do we really know what we’ve got until its gone? Without the contrast of time and perspective, it’s a phenomenally unique person who can appreciate their lives to the fullest extent while they are living in in that moment. Its effectively impossible to value experience to its deepest level until we HAVE grown and moved on and we can see the deeper meaning and lessons with the distance of time and growth.
You will outgrow people. I hope you meet more people you like simply because of who you used to know.
You will outgrow places. I hope you feel differently about where you were because of how different where you are now is.
You will outgrow thoughts and feelings and beliefs. I hope its because you want to because you change, just as the world does, and you’ve chosen how you want to change.
You aren’t abandoning anyone.
You are doing what you are made to do.
To do less is to abandon yourself.
I don’t want that for you. They don’t want that for you.
What do you want?
Be kind, be smart, be your best you. No bar fights.
“Grow we must, if we outgrow all that loves us.” Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
Comments