Over the course of my posts, I’ve punctuated a few points with the catchphrase “pay attention!!” What may be a bit more elusive is the answer to the “pay attention to what?” question that usually gets asked afterwards.
So, here goes. Writing about these concepts is fraught with danger and misstep at every turn, so bear with me while I hack my way through them…
For a while now I’ve used the terms intuition and insight interchangeably. (Don’t try and say that fast 3 times). The problem with this is that they seem to come from very different places for very different reasons about quite different things.
I’ll start with insight because, frankly, its waaaay easier to explain. Which is by no means an indication that it’s an easy explanation …
Part of your subconscious contains a perception filtering machine known as the reticular activation system, which is on while you are sleeping. Its what controls how deep into sleep you are, and what you can still be aware of while you are asleep. Think late night assassination attempt that you expertly foil by waking up to the soft noise of your door opening before being snuffed out by the drug cartels because you know too much… Or something like that. Whatever. Find your own dramatic metaphor…
The cool thing about this bit of brain is that its constantly filtering in information to your subconscious to play with and attempt to piece together to form decent actionable thoughts. The computing power of your subconscious is…. staggering. Certainly compared to your conscious capacity. And this is where it’s gets tricky. Typically for men anyway. But that’s in a sec.
When your subconscious is absorbing all these things that you are unconsciously perceiving, its starts to form ideas and pictures and interpretations of things that you, in your conscious mind and thoughts, have absolutely no idea about. None. Until the back of your brain comes to a conclusion from all that perceiving and interpreting, and spits it’s impressive answer at you. Ever felt yourself come up with an answer but have literally no idea of how you got it?
INSIGHT!!! It’s pretty cool, huh?
But, do you trust it?...
Men, typically, are egocentrically logical. “If I can’t see how I came to this answer, I don’t trust it. I’ll do it the hard way, just to make sure I know it’s right!” You heard me say egocentrical, right? Because its arrived at in a way their conscious mind can’t explain, they disregard their own answer, just so the ego they’re doing their thinking with can give itself a bit of an arrogant ego stroke.
Before you ask: Yes, I am a man. Yes, I definitely used to do this. Yes, I know I made it sound pretty bad. No, it’s not just men. Yes, everyone is susceptible to it. Yes, I mean everyone. Some more than others though.
The point being, that insight is something that is trying to give you all sorts of answers that you just aren't paying attention to. Deep down in your subconscious, you know what is important to you, but we’re usually so busy filling our heads with unrelenting chatter and entertainment (I’m looking at you Kardashians….) that we don’t pay attention to what we are actually mulling over and trying to tell ourselves. Sound familiar? We don’t give ourselves a moment to clear our head to let it tell use the cool stuff we’ve been figuring out.
Happens all the time when I’m working with people and what’s getting in their way. Often I’ll ask a question only to get an “I don’t know” response. When I tell them, yes they actually do, suddenly they pay a bit more attention and, wouldn’t you know it, they have an answer for themselves. It’s rarely as cut and dry as that, but roughly.
The best bit? We can prime that reticular activating system. Ever played Spotto? How much longer are you spotting yellow cars for even after you’ve stopped playing? See? Primed. What do you want it to focus on? Opportunity or frustration. What you focus on tells your subconscious what’s important guys. Think about that, and ask the question “what am I REALLY thinking about?” because that will tell you a lot about why things seem so prominent in your life…
Just ask anyone with anxiety if they can consistently put a finger on why they are anxious, see what they say. They often can’t consciously SEE a threat, but their primed subconscious is so geared up to look for potential threat, that literally everything can seem like one after a while. Your mind grows what you focus on. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR ATTENTION! (Yes, I know what I just said...)
What are you thinking about right now?
Where does that come from?
Why are you thinking about that?
Yeah, but why?
Why is that what you think about?
Anyway, like stories and superheroes, it gives you clues as to why things are the way they are. If all you focus on is shitty experiences, or potentially shitty experiences, your subconscious thinks that’s what’s important to you. And goes after it.
Negatively Primed Subconscious => “This and this and this are there, so this might happen…” Insight => “Don’t go, its scary, stay home. Safer here… commence panic attack to make us stay home in 3, 2, 1…”
OR
Positively Primed Subconscious => “This and this and this are there, so this might happen.” Insight => “We totally need to go to that. Opportunities and excitement abound. There might even be someone hot there! Lucky socks will be found and put on for this!”
Hopefully that long winded explanation made sense. That all happens in the noggin. Insight is amazing, if you learn to value it. It could be said that things like dreams and synchronicity are influenced and in turn influence insight, but that’s definitely another post.
Which leads us to intuition.
Like I said before, I previously had insight and intuition limped together. I thought untraceable conclusions were all intuition. Well, not quite.
While insight is based on thought and what the brain can clarify and crystalise for us, intuition is based more on what our feelings and emotions are stimulated by and react to. Still just spitting a conclusion at us, but for different reasons and motivations.
Ever met someone that you just freaking hate? For no real reason that you can come up with? They just piss you off, and that’s that.
How and where would you say you experienced that, in yourself? I’d guess it was an emotion and a gut centred experience…
Now, here is the really tricky bit… Where do we think that came from?
It could be projection (another to come blog subject), it could be energy, it could be different standards and behaviours that lead to disgust, it could be something around the eyes you don’t like. Hell, it could be a bad experience that led to a very powerful emotional response, that was in exactly the same shape as that arsehole you’re currently looking at there… Whatever it is, it is a feeling state that you reach a conclusion in.
All of these things are still managed in the brain, like insight. But! Because they have an emotional investment, they are experienced and interpreted by the body as something other than thoughts. Butterfly's in the stomach and heartache are good examples. Interpretations of experiences that elicit and emotional reaction that the brain can’t hope to qualify. Something about your flash of intuition is telling you that the situation you are in or watching brings up an emotional experience that demands action, given your brain either refuses to or is incapable of figuring out.
Now, without being too picky, can we see why women have “women’s intuition” and men have… not that? Generally, women are dramatically more in tune with their feelings and learn to trust them because they realise that it’s there to keep them safe and it needs to be paid attention to. Whether they do or not, well, that’s a different story about how invested women get in their ego’s.
But can you see why there is so rarely a “men’s intuition”? Men barely even trust their own damned brains, let alone (blegh) feelings…
Maybe that’s the trade off men and women have. Women have intuition, because they are built to invest in their feelings, which typically guides them regarding interpersonal relationships. Men have insight (assuming they ever get over their ego and trust the damned thing) because they are built to invest in their calculating of events and things. If that makes sense.... Obviously, by no means exclusive. We all have the capacity for everything. Just seems generally, both sexes have methods of interpreting the world around them and mystically delivering those conclusions to incline you to act accordingly. Still needs you to pay attention.
As a side note, this is something I believe leads to a lot of men feeling lost in their own lives and society in general. Instead of listening to their own insight, let alone intuition, they do what they think they’re SUPPOSED to do. And they ignore their own sense of self, don’t talk about stuff, just get on with it, and get depressed or addicted or unhealthy or bitter or resentful or violent or suicidal…
I’m very sure women can relate to doing what they’re SUPPOSED to do and it leaving them empty. To me it looks like men are drastically out of their depth in this conversation about emotions because being in touch with their feelings is simply not done. And when that boils itself to blowing point, they end up hurting others around them in the explosion, via all those reasons listed above.
I guess with that said, it’s a six of one, half a dozen of the other situation. Men have no idea of what’s going on inside them, let alone how to deal with it, and either implode or burst at the seams. Whereas women have a better idea of what’s happening on an emotional level, but after being told “you’re crazy” or “that’s not very ladylike” or “girls don’t do that” or some other bollocks, it probably feels a lot like “what’s the point of being in touch with my emotions if I just end up feeling blunted and shutdown anyway…” Which ends up in the same way as men, imploding or bursting at the seams, just with slightly different symptoms and outcomes.
With all that said… It still boils down to paying attention.
Men. Your subconscious is trying to tell you something, your emotions doubly so. Pay Attention!! Listen to your damned self!!! You will not regret it, I promise you. I took a while to wake up to it, but it was definitely worth it. You can too.
Women. You have both. Finely tuned instruments at your fingertips that give you value and direction. Pay attention!!! THEY will tell you if something is worth doing or expressing. Not someone else who is trying to keep you in check because they don’t want someone else showing them how pointless some of their “rules” about what you “should” do really are…
Be kind, be smart, be your best you. No barfights.
“Intuition is always right in at least two important ways; It is always in response to something. It always has your best interest at heart” Gavin De Becker
“Insight is not a lightbulb that goes off inside our heads. It is a flickering candle that can easily be snuffed out.” Malcolm Gladwell
Kommentare