Short one today guys. Got’s mum stuff to do.
Things I learned courtesy of my Mum: A List
Its not exhaustive, but these lessons are things I got from her that I don’t think usually make lists like this. So, here we go.
Number 1
Even if sorry won’t fix it, it’s always worth saying when you mean it.
As much as we might be told to always say sorry, as much as we may think some people and things and behaviours don’t deserve a sorry, as much as sometimes saying sorry doesn’t actually doing something to help, its still worth doing when it comes down to who the person you are saying it to matters and who you want to be towards them.
Lost count of how many times my mum smacked me because I was being… a precocious little shit (to put it mildly). But, there was the odd occasion where she realised that perhaps she overreacted and came in to say sorry for it afterwards. It wasn’t often, but it mattered.
It never made the pain go away, but it did show me that my pain mattered to her and that she wanted to try to do something about it, even when it was at her hands and my provocation.
The word “sorry” can be overused a fair bit. But if it’s meant with intention and feeling, its never a wasted word.
If you mean it, it ALWAYS matters, even if it doesn’t change the world back to how it was.
Number 2
Self-sacrifice happens in many different ways.
You hear stories about mothers who skip meals so their kids can eat, because there is literally not enough food in the house.
Stories about them shielding their children from injury, lifting cars off of the trapped kid.
Those supermums who do EVERYTHING for those pesky and sticky genetic knockoffs that call her mum, on top of working and sleeping and exercising and trying to just be herself, and STILL being afraid they don’t do enough on top of that. Brutal mum guilt, right there…
But sacrifice comes in many forms.
Sometimes it’s not going to that play or game or… thing, because there’s a very sick little sibling who can’t be brought or left, but would do anything to be there.
Sometimes… It’s taking possibly the toughest mum step ever to acknowledge that maybe she isn’t always the one who is the best choice to look after that small human who she loves more than paltry words can express but he’s… more than she can handle right now.
If you are reading this, you know who you are and who I'm talking to. Your sacrifice is seen and admired for everything it is, even if it is heart breaking. Especially in the face of being petrified he won’t see it that way…
That shit? That’s proper tough. But they do it anyway. That, if nothing else, is worthy of whatever honour can be bestowed.
Number 3
We are none of us infallible. (Yes, I wrote that how I meant it. Its old timey talk for… You know exactly what it means. Stop being a pain, Narelle!)
Those Supermums from number 2?
Yeah, the reason they get the mum guilts is because they can’t let themselves fail. And they ramp the checks and balances up so high, it’s a mountain to climb every morning.
Are mother’s human? I certainly hope so. Just like the rest of us chumps.
Are they allowed to fail and have an off day, just like us? Seemingly, less so…
Seems totally fair and legit…
One day, if you live long enough, you’ll realise that your parents are just like you. Running things the best they can, hopefully learning from their mistakes once they’ve acknowledged they’ve made mistakes and doing what they can with themselves.
Mums, in a sweeping and extremely broad stroking brush, take that shit personally. Or very generously have those standards dumped in their lap. Not here to place blame, finger point of give a quick half nod and eye sidle in a particular direction, but its there anyway.
Sorry to say this to anyone and everyone, but mums in particular today (and because I really think some of you genuinely need to hear this): you are human. And that means you are subject to breakdown and failure. And, honestly, no one who understands that shit is hard at times, is judging you for that.
If they are?... I think that says an awful lot about them. Judgey McJudgersons who don’t have your life and what it takes to live it… They don’t know, and they only reason they judge is because they don’t understand, or care enough to understand.
You do.
Are you doing the best you can? Yes?
Then you are beyond their judgment. All you can do is what you think is right and worthy, and move on with a lesson learned if it turns out to not be ideal some days.
We are not infallible. Especially not when it comes to the chaos of smaller humans and their contributions.
Be nice to yourselves Mums. You have earned it.
Be kind, be smart, be your best you. No bar fights.
“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.” Linda Wooten
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