So, made any new years resolutions yet?
Good. Nothing like having goals to give life and the future a bit of structure and direction. Those things are actually pretty valuable.
With that said…
Broken any new years resolutions yet?
Any idea why that happened so quickly if the answer was yes?
No, Sharon, I can assure you that it not some vast conspiracy involving the fitness industry in collaboration with the fast-food industry that wants to guilt you into wanting to go to the gym, but constantly having to resist the temptation perpetually thrown in your face by the dirty bird makers to keep you in an endless cycle of guilt and food based self-soothing. I mean… that IS a thing. But not really in the way you think Sharon. Not in the way you want to be absolved of all responsibility of living in that endless cycle.
Anyway…
Maybe I’ll ask a different question then.
Why did you set a new years resolution in the first place?
I’d argue that it would be because you want to feel better.
Want to lose some weight? You want to feel better.
Earn more money? That would certainly make me feel good at least.
Want to spend more time with the family? Well, that sounds pretty great feeling to me.
Do more travelling? Well, that’s just plain life enriching.
Read more? Learning and feeling better about what I d for myself would make me feel better about myself in general too.
The point is, nearly everything we do is aimed at creating within us a more positive and happier feeling state.
Hmmmm, I might refine that.
Creating a more positive feeling state, or at least minimising a negative feeling state.
Which is most definitely not the same thing.
If you ask yourself Why you set yourself a goal, a resolution, and have an answer based on looking for something more positive in your life to allow for a more positive feeling state, that’s a great start. Why now, why that, why in that way matter to that too, but starting with a solid why is where its at.
And being honest about to too. Why do you want that? Really, deep down, honestly? Is it for the hot girl at work who hasn’t spoken more than five words to you ever (but you’ve spent nearly every moment at work planning out how your deliriously happy lives together could look like once you’re the CEO at the company and have been in the gym for 3 years and have an 8-pack, and that quiet little penile extension surgery so you’re finally rocking 5inches of love delivering fury) actually notices you and maybe even likes you?
Or maybe you just want to feel like there’s an actual point to your life beyond eat sleep work repeat.
Either of those examples aren’t necessarily about what you want, but more investing in something that takes you away from what you don’t want.
Moving away from a negative feeling state IS valuable. But with something to move towards… Running from something will only take you so far. It runs out of momentum. And that’s how the old shit you used to do to placate those negative feelings that really only make in worse once the very short-term feel-good state that food/gambling/crack and hookers/getting that sweet loot after finally killing that top tier raid boss genuinely delivers worms its way back in.
We do just enough to escape a bad feeling, but rarely anything more than that.
Which is why we even make a new years resolution in the first place… For most, its that temporary placate of the more negative elements of us that allow us to think things wont feel like this forever, and give us enough relief from that to convince ourselves that making a resolution in the first place was worth it to begin with. But then…
We realise that genuine change requires work. And effort. And investment. And seeing value beyond the grind. And ugh… that shit sounds hard and scary and laden with more opportunities to fail and bleagh…
Sorry about being grim already this year, Alex. It’s not the point of what I’m trying to say. Promise.
Really, its about challenging what it is we THINK we want, being honest about what we genuinely actually want, and investing in how this can actually work in order to achieve something worthwhile.
You set new year's resolutions because part of you wants to feel better.
About yourself, your life, your habits, the way things are.
But we don't actually confront those desires on the level of wanting THAT, we focus on the idea of not having THIS. Become less about feeling good and doing something about it, rather than not wanting to feel bad and avoiding that bad feeling by tricking ourselves into thinking that the gym/less smoking/more travel will fix that by itself.
Ironically, if you invest on the process of those things, invest in the value of those things, you’ll just feel better regardless.
You are aiming at a new feeling state and aim to embody that. If you're aiming at your current feeling state, thinking that focusing on that will change it, well... Sorry, but no. That’s how things stay the same. But more, because you make yourself more and more aware of the unfun shit you have in your life.
We don’t act on what we want, we act on what we expect.
Think about that. Think about you WITH that.
And then think about what you can do to challenge that. Because that’s what keeps behaviours and patterns and reality and thoughts maintaining that old shit.
Personally, I don’t set new years resolutions. Needing the start of a new year to make a decision about how I want to feel in my life simply wont wait for the turning of a calendar.
But, if it provides an opportunity to evaluate and reassess how you currently feel, how you want to feel, and how you could bring that about…
Do it.
What do you want?
How do you want to feel?
Be kind, be smart, be your best you. No bar fights.
“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” Zig Ziglar
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