Starting with a random one today guys.
Who here talks to themselves?
And gets answers? Or talked back to?
Most of you? Good good.
Those who didn’t raise their hands: do you not? Or do you not know you are?
Well, I’d believe it if you said both. But that’s a rabbit hole for some other time.
Sometimes it just sound like multiple voices in your head, doesn’t it? And I’m not talking about schizophrenia here, just in case that’s where some heads went.
I more talking about the running commentary in your head that never shuts up. Good or bad, upbeat or bitchy, its just a rattling thread of noise that keeps rolling. Its okay, we all have it.
Mostly it just sounds quite different from person to person. As in, the words used, the tone they have, what feelings they bring up, how we feel inclined to react to those feelings and so on. You know, like literally any conversation we might have with a thing capable of interaction.
With me so far? Good.
So, the relevant question.
What if that running commentary is the thing that keeps you feeling sucky? What if your own thought patterns are what keeps you doubting yourself no matter what might be actually happening in and around you?
I’ve written about self-talk before, and while that’s kind of the subject im rattling on about, its not quite the same thing. The words you use towards yourself do matter, just as the timing, tone and intention matter also.
But what if we do all that work to challenge and change how we talk about ourselves, but doubt it’s working because there is still that occasional treacherous and traitorous thought that creeps in? We speak nicely to and about ourself, encourage and empower ourselves, but there’s still that snippy prick in the back of the movie theatre making unnecessary and, frankly, offensive comments out loud about the decision to ask this SUPER hot girl at the gym for her phone number.
“But I’ve done the work!...” you justifiably say. “I feel great, confident, epic, I’m totally in her league. I eve showered WITH soap today! Surely that whiney part I used to have in my head and badly running things has been appropriately evicted and charged with crimes against self-humanity for their fuckery?”
Well… Nope. That guy. That fucking guy… is there for a reason.
I will definitely stress, that reason is NOT to run things, or keep you stuck. And never was.
We just gave that particular prick of a voice soooooo much power that this is how it seemed.
That reason is: To keep you safe.
From making a fool of yourself.
From not taking enough risks.
From not putting enough effort in.
From putting too much effort in.
Gee, I wonder how we end up stuck when we let that voice have the run of the show…
Always criticising, always judging, always minimising, always comparing.
The work on self-talk and self-image and self-worth ISN’T to get rid of that voice. Its to make sure its evenly balanced.
I mean it when I say that bitchy voice is supposed to be there. Is IS good for you, but it’s supposed to be the guy in the room who brings up the possible consequences of actions so that the committee of elements that is you can make a rational and heartfelt decision about asking said hottie out…
You know. Instead of being dictator for life of the Stuck-In-My-Cave Kingdom that does ultimately keep you safe, but also judged and judged harshly by that same voice that keeps reminding your greater self that this is all you deserve and that wanting anything else will only make things worse.
Ideally, it’s there to keep your feet on the ground. Not bury you in quicksand.
The trick is to treat it like that. And use all that inner-work you’ve done on yourself as the appropriate counter balance to it.
Sometimes, it’s just practice. Getting used to the idea that you are not actually going backwards, you’re just being reminded that giving power away to worst-case-scenario Steve back there is a scary prospect and it will take more time to become comfortable that you aren’t that person and never were, even if the doubt occasionally springs up and needs putting in its place.
You will never get rid of that negative voice. It is there for very good and valuable reasons.
But what you don’t need to do is give all that power back.
Trust the process. You won’t go back, unless you feed that voice enough doubt to give worst-case-scenario Steve the votes to make sure you don’t ask Stephanie the gym hottie out.
That’s how we give all that power away again. And ACTUALLY go backwards.
You aren’t going that way. That voice, really, is only there to double check that you are going the way you want to be.
It’s not your enemy, promise.
Use it. Then let it go.
Be kind, be smart, be your best you. No bar fights.
“Recovery is hard. Regret is harder.” Brittany Burgunder
Commentaires